Tuesday, April 8, 2008


I have just been released from Harding psychiatric hospital. i was there for seven days. what put me there should put people to shame.

i again tried to cut my wrists. i am more of a cutter than trying to kill myself. i was in such emotional pain i couldn't take it anymore.

we have been kicked out of our small group without any say so from us. we didn't get to say anything in our defense or anything. just you're out and thats it.

then, there were some things said to me by someone in our church said things that deeply hurt my feelings and made me feel like i wasn't worth anything and that i was in the wrong when i was not. this person also was part of our getting kicked out of our small group.

so i am here to tell EVERYONE that i will not be back to our church again. i have been hurt too badly and have had enough.

those things that were said and things that happened all within less than a weeks span and all so suddenly, i am not going to take the risk by being around these people and be hurt again and sent back to the hospital because i cannot take it and it sends me into a deep depression.

i have been stabilized somewhat but its going to take quite a while to get over this. this is why some days i think it doesn't pay to even go to church.

i thank those of you who have chosen to stick with us. i appreciate that more than you know. i hope that we will still remain friends and can do things together. my disease makes me depressed and then manic (high or angry). so you will have to be patient with me.

also just so you all know, i am having surgery on the 21st to find out why i have been in such terrible female pain. i suspect endometreosis and if thats the case, we have opted for a full hysterectomy. the hysterectomy won't be done on the same day. on the 21st they will be doing a laproscopy that will go in and do exploratory surgery to see whats going on. i will go in and come home the same day.

thanks to all of you who have prayed for us and for those who came to visit me in the hospital. that meant alot to me.

again, those who have stayed in touch with my hubby lately and say they are willing to still be my friend and want to do things with me, i hope you truly mean it and will stand by it.

i guess thats it for now. i have just had enough of all of this and have waited a week (no internet access in hospital) to get this out there.

those of you who truly care, please continue to keep us in your prayers. we will need them as we go through the physical things as well as searching for a new church.

love to all who care.

1 comment:

Milly said...

Praying for you