Thursday, April 10, 2008

BEAUTIFUL DAY AND LEARNING ITS NOT MY FAULT

HELLO FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY. IT IS SO PRETTY OUTSIDE. I HAVE BEEN OUR RUNNING AROUND WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW. I HAD A DOC APPT THIS MORNING AND IT WENT OK. SHE CHANGED MY PAIN MEDICATION SO THAT IT WON'T HURT AS MUCH AND WON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT AS OFTEN. I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT.

I ALSO GOT AN ICE PACK (REUSABLE) AT WALMART TO HELP WITH THE SWELLING THERE. IT GETS PRETTY BAD AS THE DAY GOES ON AND BY NIGHTTIME I CAN'T HARDLY STAND IT.

WE WENT TO A NEW SMALL GROUP LAST NIGHT WHO IS WILLING TO ACCEPT US NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR LIVES OR THE FACT THAT I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS. IT WAS REFRESHING TO BE WITH A GROUP WHERE WE FELT WANTED AND LOVED. THEY ARE ALSO WILLING TO ACCEPT US COMING EVEN THOUGH WE WON'T BE COMING TO LIFBRIDGE FOR CHURCH ANYMORE. WE APPRECIATE THAT SO MUCH AND APPRECIATE THEIR LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR US THROUGH THIS TIME.

WE GOT TO TALK TO SOME OTHER FRIENDS LAST NIGHT AND TOLD THEM THE WHOLE STORY. NEEDLESS TO SAY THEY WERE SURPRISED. NOT THAT I HAD A MENTAL ILLNESS BUT AT THE BEHAVIOR OF OTHERS. THEY ARE ALSO WILLING TO STAND WITH US AND LOVE AND SUPPORT US EVEN THOUGH WE WILL NO LONGER BE AT THE SAME CHURCH. WE APPRECIATE THAT SO MUCH AND LOVE THEM VERY MUCH FOR IT.

I AM SLOWLY LEARNING THAT THE FACT THAT WE ARE LOSING FRIENDS IS NOT MY FAULT. IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND US OR COMMUNICATE WITH US ANY LONGER. IT IS THEIR PROBLEM THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO LEARN ABOUT WHAT I HAVE OR LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT. SO I AM JUST MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE. I CAN'T LET THEM RUIN MY LIFE BECAUSE THEY HAVE THIS PROBLEM. IT'S ALSO WHAT PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL THIS LAST TIME AND I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN. I WON'T LET THE ACTIONS OR INACTION'S OF OTHERS DICTATE MY EMOTIONS ETC AND MAKE ME FALL APART AND NEED TO BE HOSPITALIZED AGAIN.

I WILL TELL YOU IT HAS GOTTEN SO BAD, OUR FRIENDS LEAVING US, THAT I CRIED AND COULDN'T LET ME HUSBAND GO TO WORK YESTERDAY. I WAS AFRAID HE WOULD LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK. HE GOT ME INTO MY COUNSELOR WHICH WENT SO SO BUT HE ASSURED ME OVER AND OVER THAT HE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE NO MATTER WHAT THEY DIAGNOSE ME WITH OR WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. THAT WE WILL WORK THROUGH IT TOGETHER WITH GOD'S HELP.

WE ARE SOMEWHAT NERVOUS ABOUT LOOKING FOR A NEW CHURCH, BUT KNOW THAT IT NEEDS TO BE DONE. WE HAVE SEVERAL CHURCHES IN MIND TO TRY AND PRAY THAT GOD WILL LET US KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE RIGHT ONE WHEN WE GET THERE.

MY MOTHER IN LAW GRACIOUSLY TOOK OFF TODAY AND TOMORROW TO RUN ME AROUND (SEE MY COUNSELOR AGAIN TOMORROW) AND JUST TO BE WITH ME. NEXT WEEK I WILL HAVE TO DO IT ON MY OWN, BUT HOPEFULLY BY THAT POINT I WILL BE MORE STABLE. ALSO, WE HAVE APPOINTMENTS (PRE-OP) ETC IN THE AFTERNOON THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO TAKE HUBBY TO WORK AND HAVE THE CAR TO RUN AROUND IF I WANT TO. THAT WILL HELP.

I AM RELIEVED THAT WE WILL NO LONGER BE AT LIFEBRIDGE. THEY ARE QUITE A FEW PEOPLE THERE THAT I WILL MISS SEEING EVERY SUNDAY, BUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND ILLNESS, I CANNOT DEAL WITH BEING IN THE SAME CHURCH AS THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DESERTED US AND HURT US THIS BADLY. i HOPE SOME DAY TO BE ABLE TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HURT US, BUT I AM NOT AT THAT POINT YET. IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME QUITE A WHILE AND WILL HAVE TO BE WITH GOD'S HELP. I HOPE THAT THOSE WHO ARE OUR TRUE FRIENDS WILL UNDERSTAND.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT FOR TODAY. I AM FEELING STRONGER TODAY, WHICH IS GOOD. WE WILL FIND OUT TOMORROW WHETHER MY NEW NIECE/NEPHEW WILL BE A NIECE OR NEPHEW. WE ARE EXCITED ABOUT THAT. WILL KEEP ALL POSTED.

SURGERY ON 21ST. PLEASE THOSE WHO READ THIS AND DO CARE, KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS DURING THIS TIME. WE DESPERATELY NEED THEM.

LOVE YA,
MYWOODSTOCK69

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