Monday, March 31, 2008

For Our Soldiers and my Cousin Matt

Got this from one of my cousins. Thought it was worth putting out there. Will warn you though, get your tissue box out before you play it. You'll need them.

God Bless Our Men and Women in Uniform. All of them!

This is a new and awesome video. Three soldiers wrote the song and put this together in their 'free time' over "there". Whoever the Singer is, he needs a Recording Contract when He comes Home! This is a small way we can show our troops we support their efforts, their sacrifice and that of their families. Please pass this on.

Click below:

God is There

I have been reminded by quite a few friends in the past few days that God is still there. That He has not left me nor given me more than I can handle. One suggested that maybe I was going through this so that I may help someone else in the future.

I am feeling God more with me yesterday and today but have cried more yesterday and today. It has been difficult. It has been difficult dealing with losing friends but it has terrific knowing that I still have friends who still want to hang out with me and get together with me. Which I feel great about.

God is good. We are still in desperate need of a vehicle for me (jeep or truck because of difficulty getting in and out of cars). I am trying to be patient with God in knowing that He will provide what I need but I need it now. I have appointments this week, next week etc and some will be every week. So I need the vehicle now. I know that God knows this, but it is difficult to wait for His timing and knowing what to do in the meantime.

I am continuing to read my books and they are good and helpful. I know that God is there but am still working on my anger with Him. It's hard to have to deal with all of this and know that He is there. I do know He is there, I have felt Him more yesterday and today than any other time in a while. I just want to understand why He is letting me go through all of this. Just like a kid huh? We want the answers now. Not later. And maybe I am not to know the answer til later, but as a kid I want to know now.

Well, God understands that. Thank goodness for that. That He understands that. My counselor that I will see tomorrow is a christian so I am sure we will get into this as well as other things.

I hope that you all are having a good day and learning to lean on God as I am learning. It is difficult isn't it? We want to do things ourselves, but we have to learn to lean on God and His grace.

God Bless You All
Love ya'll.

Sunday, March 30, 2008


I have discovered yesterday and today that I do have friends who are willing to stick with me no matter the fact that I am bipolar II or anything else.

I have been struggling so with God. I feel like He has given me more than I can take and it has made me mad and angry at Him. We didn't go to church today for several reasons. Some of them I cannot go into, some of it is the pain from the female situation, part of it has been because I wasn't sure how people would react now that it's out there on my blog about the Bipolar II thing.

Its not who I am. I know that. I am becoming more like myself with the help of the medicine. Hubby is noticing that. I go up again tomorrow to 75mg of Lamictal. Two weeks on that and then up again. I am not sure what dosage they want me on to end. In the hospital they mentioned quite a high dose, but we will see what my shrink says.

I see my shrink this Wednesday. This past week we say someone who was basically just an intake guy. He basically wanted to know about what had happened etc and was trying to match me with whom he thought best. But at the end he wanted me to be with the person that was the fastest available so that is the guy I am seeing this Wednesday.

I see my counselor this Tuesday for the first time. She and I talked quite a bit on the phone before we agreed to work with each other. I think we will get along just fine. She knows there is some junk from the past I need to get out, but also is a believer in the medicine for bipolar and staying on it as it will help.

I am starting back to college this fall which I am so excited about. I am just going part-time this fall and then will go full-time starting in January.

The biggest thing is I desperately need a vehicle. We only have one car as my van's transmission died last thanksgiving. So we had to get rid of it. I would like a regular jeep or small truck as it is difficult for me to get in and out of cars. So please pray that somehow we will be able to get a vehicle for me. I really need it before school because of the counselor and shrink sessions. Plus, there are friends that I still have that I would like to get together with at times. So please pray that we will somehow find what I need.

Also pray for the money that we will need for the counselor, shrink and marriage counselor we will be seeing. Am not sure what I will have to pay for the shrink, will find out Wednesday, but the counselor is $110 per session. The marriage counselor is $80 per session. We do have a little help to get started, but after that we are on our own, so we need God to provide money for all of this. Its alot to ask for I know. As much as I have been struggling with Him lately, it is hard for me to ask, but I know He is the only one that can provide all of this because we certainly can't.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I am hoping I will hear soon when my laproscopy will be so we can get that over with. Pray that we will find out early this week and that we won't have to wait very long.

Thanks to you all and Love you all.