Monday, March 31, 2008

God is There

I have been reminded by quite a few friends in the past few days that God is still there. That He has not left me nor given me more than I can handle. One suggested that maybe I was going through this so that I may help someone else in the future.

I am feeling God more with me yesterday and today but have cried more yesterday and today. It has been difficult. It has been difficult dealing with losing friends but it has terrific knowing that I still have friends who still want to hang out with me and get together with me. Which I feel great about.

God is good. We are still in desperate need of a vehicle for me (jeep or truck because of difficulty getting in and out of cars). I am trying to be patient with God in knowing that He will provide what I need but I need it now. I have appointments this week, next week etc and some will be every week. So I need the vehicle now. I know that God knows this, but it is difficult to wait for His timing and knowing what to do in the meantime.

I am continuing to read my books and they are good and helpful. I know that God is there but am still working on my anger with Him. It's hard to have to deal with all of this and know that He is there. I do know He is there, I have felt Him more yesterday and today than any other time in a while. I just want to understand why He is letting me go through all of this. Just like a kid huh? We want the answers now. Not later. And maybe I am not to know the answer til later, but as a kid I want to know now.

Well, God understands that. Thank goodness for that. That He understands that. My counselor that I will see tomorrow is a christian so I am sure we will get into this as well as other things.

I hope that you all are having a good day and learning to lean on God as I am learning. It is difficult isn't it? We want to do things ourselves, but we have to learn to lean on God and His grace.

God Bless You All
Love ya'll.

1 comment:

Beckyboodle said...

Hi Megan,
I had a chance to read your blog yesterday afternoon, and I'm glad you've shared what's been going on, that way I know specifically how I can be praying for you. I'm sorry you've had such a rough time, feeling abandoned by friends and God, too. I've never actually attempted suicide, but I've definitely hit rock bottom where I just wanted to die, feeling like things will never get better and hating my whole life.

One thing that has helped me in times like that- and I know this is easier said than done when I'm in the midst of it- is to remember God's promises to save me, deliver me, love me, prosper me, protect me, heal me, etc., and the FACT that God doesn't change or leave me. He's there and His promises are true, whether I FEEL like it or not. That can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do- remembering that during the hard times. So many people say, "Follow your heart", but the Bible says that the heart is deceitful, and I've found it can sometimes trick me into not believing God's promises. We can't always rely on our feelings.

Some of my favorite verses (I'm at work, so I don't know what chapter/verse they are, but I can look them up later) are:
"When my friends/family forsake me, the Lord will take me up".
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted".
"He keeps all our tears in a bottle".

You also have to remember that satan hates your guts, both because you are made in God's image and because you're a new creature in Christ, and he can't have you anymore. The Bible describes him as a thief who wants to steal, kill, and destroy, and in another place it says that Satan wants to sift you as wheat. He wants to rob your health, joy, and most of all, your life.

Anyway, I'm praying for your appointment with the shrink today, and that your medicine will continue working for you. I love you, and I'll always be here for you. Hang in there, girl. I'm at work, so I need to go, but I'll write more later. Let me know how your appointments go, okay?

Love ya