Saturday, January 17, 2009

Just Life...and Missing The Beach

Here it is the 3rd Saturday in January already. This month is just flying by, it seems like. Much like last year. I guess it seems like that when you are running at a pretty fast pace. I would rather it be like that, than just dragging by.

As of last week, my soon to be ex has been gone for 7 months. I am to the point where I don't even miss him anymore. The marriage is over, I know that it's over, that is that. We had a big fight last week, which now seems forever ago. I said some things and so did he; then he proceeded to cuss at me and told me to you know, using the f-word. We were in the basement at this point so he could look at the dryer, I put my hand on his chest to stop him from running up the stairs and out the door after he said that to me, telling him he could not speak to me that way in my house. I thought he was gonna hit me then, he was not happy that I touched him to stop him and told him that he could not speak to me that way.

He was supposed to come over this coming Monday to help me start going through things. Well, now he won't come without someone with him (he wanted to bring his dad). He said he wasn't going to end up in jail because of me (where in the world did that come from?). I asked him not to bring his dad, or anyone for that matter, because there are things we need to talk about and emotions I figured we would go through as we sorted through things. He wouldn't do it. So, I told him to forget about coming. I would take care of everything and ship his stuff over to him when I was done with it. He wasn't happy with that either. Nothing I do is the right thing anymore, and frankly, I am done trying to please him. He's making me the bad guy; every thing is my fault.

I don't understand this jail business unless he is afraid he will get mad enough at me for whatever reason, to hit me (like during out fight last week), then he knows I would call the police and he would end up in jail. But, that is his problem, not mine. If he's not grown up enough to control himself and is afraid he'll harm me, that's his problem to deal with, not mine. So, why do I feel like the bad guy and why am I being punished for it? Some days when I have had to talk to him or see him lately, he's been just as nice as could be, and other days, it's like this monster of a person who can't wait to bite my head off and blame every thing that is wrong in his life, on me. I don't get it.

We saw the mediator who is handling our dissolution on November 7th of last year. He has had our info since then. We have both emailed him with small changes and he emailed us about mid-December, apologizing that it was taking so long and that he would have our first rough draft to us in a week or so. Nothing since. I called him this past week, and got his voicemail of course, so I left a message asking him where our stuff was and why it was taking so long? We had originally said we didn't think we'd file till around June or so of this year in order to give me time to find a job and figure out health insurance etc. Well, I have a job and the benefits are coming, so we don't need to wait till June and I told him so; that we didn't want to wait til June.

He has yet to call me back or even email me. I am getting pretty aggravated with him and this business of getting our paperwork done. He's supposed to get us a first draft to look over for a week or so, then email him with changes (if any) and then he'll add the changes, we meet to sign the final copies and that's it; we can file any time after that that we want. I don't understand what's taking him so long? He's had 10 weeks (almost 3 months) to do just our first draft, so where is it? If it's taking him this long to do just the first draft, I pray there are no changes, cause we will never get this thing done then; and I think both of us (soon to be ex and I) need it to be done sooner rather than later. I'm gonna give him till this Thursday (that will make it a week since I called him) and then I will call him again; and keep calling till I get some answers.

It has been so cold here. I don't mean normal winter temps, I mean frigid. One day, I don't think we got above zero (0) degrees for a high. And the wind chills certainly haven't been above zero for a few days. Brrrr. I got an email from my math professor about a question I had asked and at the end of it, she said 'where is spring'? I smiled, because at this point, I want to bypass Spring and head straight for Summer! I am longing for someplace with a very warm beach, and a very warm body of water (Atlantic,Pacific,Caribbean etc) to go along with it!!

I just got another bin of the soon to be ex's stuff ready for him to get tomorrow. I was down in the basement anyways doing laundry and it didn't take long to get the bin together. I am leaving it outside for him; I wrote and told him that there was another one ready for him, that I would suggest he get it before Church rather than after, but that's up to him. It feels good to get the stuff out of here, even though its going to take me a while since its just me doing it. The fun thing is, I get to shred A LOT of stuff!! Of course, this will necessitate me buying a new shredder since our old one has bitten the dust...out to the trash it goes!! I love to shred!

School is going okay this quarter. I have felt a little overwhelmed here at the beginning, getting used to the schedule, the job (which I am slowly working into, increasing hours every week), taking care of just life things (grocery shopping, the dog, the house) and doc appointments. Course, I have had a few extra of those lately because of my back, which is doing much better by the way. I start PT this week. Was supposed to start it last week, on the day of the big snow and freezing temps; so I moved it to this week. which was no big deal. But, I feel some better about things this weekend and feel like I will have a moment to 'catch my breath' since there are no classes Monday.

Tomorrow is Church and I am really looking forward to it. Feel like I really need the refreshment this week. I am taking a class tomorrow evening called 'Discover New Life'. It doesn't mean I am necessarily going to 'join' the Church, but its a good way to get a good overview of the Church and their beliefs etc., ; more than what I have heard from people or read online. Plus, they provide free supper! So, I am looking forward to that.

Well, it's about 9pm now, so I guess I need to get going. The dog is whining to go out (I swear she can tell time) and I need to get ready for bed and think about what I am going to wear to Church in the morning. It's up to 25 degrees! Almost feels downright balmy!

Hmm, now I have to think about a song to add on here at the end. Be back. Okay, since I am right now missing the warm sand between my toes from the beach and the warm ocean, here's a song to transport all of us for a few brief minutes to that wonderful place....

"No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem" By Kenny Chesney

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