It's a Boy!

Just found out today, my brother and his wife are expecting another boy! We are all excited and everything looks good for both baby and mother. Just wanted to let you know!

BEAUTIFUL DAY AND LEARNING ITS NOT MY FAULT

HELLO FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY. IT IS SO PRETTY OUTSIDE. I HAVE BEEN OUR RUNNING AROUND WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW. I HAD A DOC APPT THIS MORNING AND IT WENT OK. SHE CHANGED MY PAIN MEDICATION SO THAT IT WON'T HURT AS MUCH AND WON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT AS OFTEN. I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT.

I ALSO GOT AN ICE PACK (REUSABLE) AT WALMART TO HELP WITH THE SWELLING THERE. IT GETS PRETTY BAD AS THE DAY GOES ON AND BY NIGHTTIME I CAN'T HARDLY STAND IT.

WE WENT TO A NEW SMALL GROUP LAST NIGHT WHO IS WILLING TO ACCEPT US NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR LIVES OR THE FACT THAT I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS. IT WAS REFRESHING TO BE WITH A GROUP WHERE WE FELT WANTED AND LOVED. THEY ARE ALSO WILLING TO ACCEPT US COMING EVEN THOUGH WE WON'T BE COMING TO LIFBRIDGE FOR CHURCH ANYMORE. WE APPRECIATE THAT SO MUCH AND APPRECIATE THEIR LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR US THROUGH THIS TIME.

WE GOT TO TALK TO SOME OTHER FRIENDS LAST NIGHT AND TOLD THEM THE WHOLE STORY. NEEDLESS TO SAY THEY WERE SURPRISED. NOT THAT I HAD A MENTAL ILLNESS BUT AT THE BEHAVIOR OF OTHERS. THEY ARE ALSO WILLING TO STAND WITH US AND LOVE AND SUPPORT US EVEN THOUGH WE WILL NO LONGER BE AT THE SAME CHURCH. WE APPRECIATE THAT SO MUCH AND LOVE THEM VERY MUCH FOR IT.

I AM SLOWLY LEARNING THAT THE FACT THAT WE ARE LOSING FRIENDS IS NOT MY FAULT. IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND US OR COMMUNICATE WITH US ANY LONGER. IT IS THEIR PROBLEM THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO LEARN ABOUT WHAT I HAVE OR LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT. SO I AM JUST MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE. I CAN'T LET THEM RUIN MY LIFE BECAUSE THEY HAVE THIS PROBLEM. IT'S ALSO WHAT PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL THIS LAST TIME AND I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN. I WON'T LET THE ACTIONS OR INACTION'S OF OTHERS DICTATE MY EMOTIONS ETC AND MAKE ME FALL APART AND NEED TO BE HOSPITALIZED AGAIN.

I WILL TELL YOU IT HAS GOTTEN SO BAD, OUR FRIENDS LEAVING US, THAT I CRIED AND COULDN'T LET ME HUSBAND GO TO WORK YESTERDAY. I WAS AFRAID HE WOULD LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK. HE GOT ME INTO MY COUNSELOR WHICH WENT SO SO BUT HE ASSURED ME OVER AND OVER THAT HE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE NO MATTER WHAT THEY DIAGNOSE ME WITH OR WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. THAT WE WILL WORK THROUGH IT TOGETHER WITH GOD'S HELP.

WE ARE SOMEWHAT NERVOUS ABOUT LOOKING FOR A NEW CHURCH, BUT KNOW THAT IT NEEDS TO BE DONE. WE HAVE SEVERAL CHURCHES IN MIND TO TRY AND PRAY THAT GOD WILL LET US KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE RIGHT ONE WHEN WE GET THERE.

MY MOTHER IN LAW GRACIOUSLY TOOK OFF TODAY AND TOMORROW TO RUN ME AROUND (SEE MY COUNSELOR AGAIN TOMORROW) AND JUST TO BE WITH ME. NEXT WEEK I WILL HAVE TO DO IT ON MY OWN, BUT HOPEFULLY BY THAT POINT I WILL BE MORE STABLE. ALSO, WE HAVE APPOINTMENTS (PRE-OP) ETC IN THE AFTERNOON THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO TAKE HUBBY TO WORK AND HAVE THE CAR TO RUN AROUND IF I WANT TO. THAT WILL HELP.

I AM RELIEVED THAT WE WILL NO LONGER BE AT LIFEBRIDGE. THEY ARE QUITE A FEW PEOPLE THERE THAT I WILL MISS SEEING EVERY SUNDAY, BUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND ILLNESS, I CANNOT DEAL WITH BEING IN THE SAME CHURCH AS THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DESERTED US AND HURT US THIS BADLY. i HOPE SOME DAY TO BE ABLE TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HURT US, BUT I AM NOT AT THAT POINT YET. IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME QUITE A WHILE AND WILL HAVE TO BE WITH GOD'S HELP. I HOPE THAT THOSE WHO ARE OUR TRUE FRIENDS WILL UNDERSTAND.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT FOR TODAY. I AM FEELING STRONGER TODAY, WHICH IS GOOD. WE WILL FIND OUT TOMORROW WHETHER MY NEW NIECE/NEPHEW WILL BE A NIECE OR NEPHEW. WE ARE EXCITED ABOUT THAT. WILL KEEP ALL POSTED.

SURGERY ON 21ST. PLEASE THOSE WHO READ THIS AND DO CARE, KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS DURING THIS TIME. WE DESPERATELY NEED THEM.

LOVE YA,
MYWOODSTOCK69

Bad Day

I am having a really bad day. I am losing friends left and right. I believe because they don't understand what I have and what I am going through or because they choose not to understand. We are looking for another church where we can go and just be "lost". Just go to church and worship the Lord and feed and recuperate and heal both emotionally and spiritually.

It is not up to me to judge, but I have a hard time believing that those who are leaving us as friends are acting very christian. Not the christian I believe we are supposed to be. Who are supposed to have compassion and understanding.

We have a small group of friends who have chosen to stick with us and we appreciate it so much. It means so much especially to me because I feel like I have someone on earth that I can rely on through our heavenly Father. So, thanks to that group for being there for us even if they don't understand yet, they are just accepting us for who we are at this moment and supporting us in what we are going through.

It has been a very difficult day for me today because I feel so alone on this earth. I know that God is with me and am gradually getting to the point where I am not angry at Him anymore for having me go through this. I realize that He is with me and will help me figure out how I am to use this for His purpose.

Anyhow, I guess that's it for now. Again, thanks to those for sticking with us and supporting us and praying for us. We appreciate it very much.

God Bless You All.

Love to all
-Woodstock69

Released

I have just been released from Harding psychiatric hospital. i was there for seven days. what put me there should put people to shame.

i again tried to cut my wrists. i am more of a cutter than trying to kill myself. i was in such emotional pain i couldn't take it anymore.

we have been kicked out of our small group without any say so from us. we didn't get to say anything in our defense or anything. just you're out and thats it.

then, there were some things said to me by someone in our church said things that deeply hurt my feelings and made me feel like i wasn't worth anything and that i was in the wrong when i was not. this person also was part of our getting kicked out of our small group.

so i am here to tell EVERYONE that i will not be back to our church again. i have been hurt too badly and have had enough.

those things that were said and things that happened all within less than a weeks span and all so suddenly, i am not going to take the risk by being around these people and be hurt again and sent back to the hospital because i cannot take it and it sends me into a deep depression.

i have been stabilized somewhat but its going to take quite a while to get over this. this is why some days i think it doesn't pay to even go to church.

i thank those of you who have chosen to stick with us. i appreciate that more than you know. i hope that we will still remain friends and can do things together. my disease makes me depressed and then manic (high or angry). so you will have to be patient with me.

also just so you all know, i am having surgery on the 21st to find out why i have been in such terrible female pain. i suspect endometreosis and if thats the case, we have opted for a full hysterectomy. the hysterectomy won't be done on the same day. on the 21st they will be doing a laproscopy that will go in and do exploratory surgery to see whats going on. i will go in and come home the same day.

thanks to all of you who have prayed for us and for those who came to visit me in the hospital. that meant alot to me.

again, those who have stayed in touch with my hubby lately and say they are willing to still be my friend and want to do things with me, i hope you truly mean it and will stand by it.

i guess thats it for now. i have just had enough of all of this and have waited a week (no internet access in hospital) to get this out there.

those of you who truly care, please continue to keep us in your prayers. we will need them as we go through the physical things as well as searching for a new church.

love to all who care.

For Our Soldiers and my Cousin Matt

Got this from one of my cousins. Thought it was worth putting out there. Will warn you though, get your tissue box out before you play it. You'll need them.

God Bless Our Men and Women in Uniform. All of them!

This is a new and awesome video. Three soldiers wrote the song and put this together in their 'free time' over "there". Whoever the Singer is, he needs a Recording Contract when He comes Home! This is a small way we can show our troops we support their efforts, their sacrifice and that of their families. Please pass this on.
TURN UP YOUR SPEAKERS !

Click below:http://www.flashdemo.net/gallery/wake/index.htm

God is There

I have been reminded by quite a few friends in the past few days that God is still there. That He has not left me nor given me more than I can handle. One suggested that maybe I was going through this so that I may help someone else in the future.

I am feeling God more with me yesterday and today but have cried more yesterday and today. It has been difficult. It has been difficult dealing with losing friends but it has terrific knowing that I still have friends who still want to hang out with me and get together with me. Which I feel great about.

God is good. We are still in desperate need of a vehicle for me (jeep or truck because of difficulty getting in and out of cars). I am trying to be patient with God in knowing that He will provide what I need but I need it now. I have appointments this week, next week etc and some will be every week. So I need the vehicle now. I know that God knows this, but it is difficult to wait for His timing and knowing what to do in the meantime.

I am continuing to read my books and they are good and helpful. I know that God is there but am still working on my anger with Him. It's hard to have to deal with all of this and know that He is there. I do know He is there, I have felt Him more yesterday and today than any other time in a while. I just want to understand why He is letting me go through all of this. Just like a kid huh? We want the answers now. Not later. And maybe I am not to know the answer til later, but as a kid I want to know now.

Well, God understands that. Thank goodness for that. That He understands that. My counselor that I will see tomorrow is a christian so I am sure we will get into this as well as other things.

I hope that you all are having a good day and learning to lean on God as I am learning. It is difficult isn't it? We want to do things ourselves, but we have to learn to lean on God and His grace.

God Bless You All
Love ya'll.

Friends

I have discovered yesterday and today that I do have friends who are willing to stick with me no matter the fact that I am bipolar II or anything else.

I have been struggling so with God. I feel like He has given me more than I can take and it has made me mad and angry at Him. We didn't go to church today for several reasons. Some of them I cannot go into, some of it is the pain from the female situation, part of it has been because I wasn't sure how people would react now that it's out there on my blog about the Bipolar II thing.

Its not who I am. I know that. I am becoming more like myself with the help of the medicine. Hubby is noticing that. I go up again tomorrow to 75mg of Lamictal. Two weeks on that and then up again. I am not sure what dosage they want me on to end. In the hospital they mentioned quite a high dose, but we will see what my shrink says.

I see my shrink this Wednesday. This past week we say someone who was basically just an intake guy. He basically wanted to know about what had happened etc and was trying to match me with whom he thought best. But at the end he wanted me to be with the person that was the fastest available so that is the guy I am seeing this Wednesday.

I see my counselor this Tuesday for the first time. She and I talked quite a bit on the phone before we agreed to work with each other. I think we will get along just fine. She knows there is some junk from the past I need to get out, but also is a believer in the medicine for bipolar and staying on it as it will help.

I am starting back to college this fall which I am so excited about. I am just going part-time this fall and then will go full-time starting in January.

The biggest thing is I desperately need a vehicle. We only have one car as my van's transmission died last thanksgiving. So we had to get rid of it. I would like a regular jeep or small truck as it is difficult for me to get in and out of cars. So please pray that somehow we will be able to get a vehicle for me. I really need it before school because of the counselor and shrink sessions. Plus, there are friends that I still have that I would like to get together with at times. So please pray that we will somehow find what I need.

Also pray for the money that we will need for the counselor, shrink and marriage counselor we will be seeing. Am not sure what I will have to pay for the shrink, will find out Wednesday, but the counselor is $110 per session. The marriage counselor is $80 per session. We do have a little help to get started, but after that we are on our own, so we need God to provide money for all of this. Its alot to ask for I know. As much as I have been struggling with Him lately, it is hard for me to ask, but I know He is the only one that can provide all of this because we certainly can't.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I am hoping I will hear soon when my laproscopy will be so we can get that over with. Pray that we will find out early this week and that we won't have to wait very long.

Thanks to you all and Love you all.